Dear You.

Dear you,

I’ve started and stopped this letter more times than I can count. And now that I’m here I don’t know where to begin. So I’ll just jump in.

It’s been 5 years now since I left you. So much has changed since then. I have changed so much since then. And I’m sure you have too. You may never forgive me for what I put you through, but I’m going to say these things anyway so that I may finally forgive myself.

First, I must admit that much of what we had was good. You were a bright force in my life for many years. You brought me joy and laughter and companionship. You pushed me out of my comfort zone on many occasions. You introduced me to an entire world of people and experiences that I would have completely missed without you. I learned so much from you. And I did love you. Though I know now that it wasn’t the kind of love meant to build a family or a life upon, I did love you. I loved your energy, your charisma, your generosity, your wit and your humor. You were and are a force to be reckoned with, and I loved that about you.

But the truth is that I knew from day one that you were not right for me. There was a quiet voice deep inside me – one that I had not yet learned to listen to – gently whispering “no” for the entirety of our relationship. And while I offer no excuse for how unfair this was to both of us, for me to be so wholly dishonest for so long, I do offer this explanation: I was young and naive.

With the clarity of hindsight and newfound maturity, I can honestly say that I was ill-equipped to handle your love. And I do believe you loved me. I believe with genuine certainty that you cared for me the best way you knew how, despite the fact that it was often not the way I needed you to. I cannot fault you for this – I was never honest about what I needed from you. I lacked both the knowledge of self to even understand what my own needs were and the confidence required to ask for them. This is a battle I still fight. But the ultimate truth is that I could not have known that I wasn’t ready. In all honesty, I now wonder if any 22-year old is ever truly ready. But I had been pulled into the strength of your orbit, and I wanted so badly to be what you wanted me to be. I just didn’t know then how unsustainable that would be.

Looking back now I see that it couldn’t have ended any other way. I needed an Earth-shattering event to shake me awake, to show me how untrue I had been to myself and to offer a path to something more real. But I didn’t go looking for that event – it simply happened. You may never believe that. But after all this time I would admit to seeking refuge if it were true. The truth is that I thought I was happy enough when it happened. I see now that it was probably that contentment that helped me feel confident enough to even start a friendship with Robbie. And I know it may make no sense to you, but I truly believe that what happened next was inevitable. This life that I have now feels so completely right and true to me that I have to believe it is where I am meant to be. I did not seek love outside our marriage. But it found me. And when it did, it was so powerful and all-consuming and so unlike anything I had felt with you that I knew nothing would ever be the same. I knew that even if I didn’t leave you for him, there was no way I could stay. I had seen my true self, and I could never go back to pretending I didn’t know she was there.

So I did the only thing that seemed fair – I left, with haste. I can hear you now: “Fair?! Really? Sure, maybe for you.” But truly, I felt that it was unfair of me to waste any more of your time, to waste even one more day letting you believe that we could be together forever or that I could ever truly reciprocate your love. You deserved so much better than that. You deserved the chance to find someone else to build a life with, who would love you fully and honestly and would give you all the things you wanted without growing resentment.

And I want you to know that what I left you for was absolutely worth it. The love I share with Robbie remains as strong and powerful and all-consuming as it was 5 years ago. Our life and our family are beautiful and challenging and exciting and wonderful. And I say this not to torture you, but rather to let you know with absolute certainty that your sacrifice, though unwelcomed, was not in vain. I did not hurt you for nothing.

So, what I’m really here to say is… I’m sorry.
I’m sorry that I was never honest with you in our relationship.
I’m sorry that I wasted so much of your time.
I’m sorry that I could not love you the way you loved me.
I’m sorry that I married you despite my doubts.
I’m sorry that I ultimately betrayed you.
I’m sorry that my betrayal cost you not only your wife, but also one of your closest friends.
I’m sorry for the shame you must have borne with our divorce, which occurred so suddenly and so soon after our marriage.
I’m sorry that I hurt you so deeply.
I’m sorry for the pain I must have caused your family.
I’m sorry that they must have felt taken advantage of by me.
I’m sorry for the financial and logistical hardship my exit must have created.
I’m sorry for the myriad of ways you must have felt that your life had been turned upside down.
I’m sorry.

It wasn’t easy for me to leave you – I want you to know that. And I have borne years of shame and regret about our story, afraid until now to really tell it for fear of judgment or invalidation of my current marriage. But now, today, I’m letting it go. And if you haven’t already, I encourage you to let it go, too.

In parting, I want to tell you that I wish good things for you. I see that you’re completing graduate school, and I am so proud of you. I know you will do great things with your degree. I am truly happy for you. I wish you love and happiness and success. I hope that one day you may even marry again, if that is what you want.

Go with peace.

With love,

~Jess

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What I’m loving lately

People’s stories. Memoir has been a favorite book genre of mine for a while.  (This probably started with Eat, Pray, Love, if I’m totally honest.) I think part of what makes memoirs so fascinating is that, of course, only interesting stories are chosen to be published. But I find what I love more than anything is a story that’s true – one that a real human being actually experienced. All the highs and lows are so much easier to empathize with when I know they really happened. And I love the way memoir shows me that we’re all just people… each with our own complicated past to overcome.

One of my current memoir obsessions is Chef’s Table, on Netflix. I first turned it on one day when I wanted something I could tune in and out of while I chased Jack around the house, but I quickly found myself wanting to sit down and actually pay attention because each episode was just so fascinating! They introduce a different chef with each episode, and they do a fantastic job of really telling each person’s story – how they grew up, where they got their culinary start, and what makes their approach to food truly unique. And it’s done so beautifully, with artistic filmography and a moving soundtrack. It really hits all of the right buttons for me right now.

Some of my favorite memoirs in book form are (of course) Eat, Pray, Love, Wild, The Art of Asking, Mind Hunter, and Year of Yes. Check ’em out if you’re interested. 😉

Meeting new people. When Robbie and I decided to explore opening our relationship, I didn’t really know what I wanted out of it. To be honest, I’m still not sure I do. But what I do know is that most people’s first assumptions about why we’re open are wrong. This entire topic could be a post in itself, but for now, I will say this: what has been most enriching for me out of this entire experience has been connection.

I am really enjoying meeting people with whom I otherwise would never have crossed paths. People from completely different walks of life, in many different relationship situations of their own, and – here’s the kicker for me – each with their own unique story. Even if we have nothing in common or little chemistry, I learn something new from each person I meet. Sometimes what I learn ends up being more about myself than the other person, and that’s equally as great. I’m learning more empathy, less fear, more confidence, and a greater sense of curiosity. And when you’re free to simply keep all options open, connection is that much easier. It hasn’t always been easy, but so far it has definitely been good.

Cultivating creative energy. This has come in a few different ways for me lately. Photography, of course, has been a big creative outlet for me. But I’ve also been really enjoying doodling. I’ve been keeping a sketchbook for a few months now, and in it I’ve been doing all kinds of things with colored pencils, calligraphy pens, and even markers. Sometimes I put on a song that’s really been speaking to me and “sketch” the lyrics. Sometimes I just draw random shapes in random colors, and create my own abstract designs. Sometimes I just put pencil to paper and let both my brain and my hand wander. It’s all good.

Another new outlet for me lately has been container gardening. I’ve had a brown thumb for most of my life, but I’ve recently become better at keeping my plants alive, and – dare I say it – some of them are even thriving now! I have a funny mix of succulents, flowering plants, and greenery. Each of them has different watering and sunlight needs, and it’s been fun to care for each plant individually and really cultivate them. I like growing things… who knew?

Irish punk and alternative rock. I think I have come to terms with the fact that I’m just one of those people who goes through musically-obsessive phases. I find a band or genre that I love in at a particular moment, and then I listen to it ad nauseum. Lately it’s been a mix of Irish punk (thanks, Flogging Molly concert!) and 2000’s-era alternative rock, like The Strokes, The White Stripes, and Rage Against the Machine. I’m sure it will change soon, but for now, I’m really enjoying it.

Learning how to really RELAX. I am a great multitasker. Even when I’m watching TV or in the bathtub I’m usually scrolling through my phone, bouncing between social media apps or checking my email or browsing Amazon. But, as I’ve come to realize, this isn’t really relaxing. My body might not be doing anything, but my brain is still going a million miles a minute. All the constant input just jacks me up instead of slowing me down.

So I’ve started putting my phone down more, and putting it on silent before I leave it in the other room so I can truly forget that it’s there. Sometimes in the evening, I consciously choose not to deal with the remaining tasks on my to-do list, and sit down outside instead. I calm my brain by choosing to focus on one detail at a time – the way the clouds are moving, the sound of the cars going by down the hill, the smell of a neighbor’s BBQ grill. It centers me. Sometimes I use incense to set a mood of calm and also to give me a finite amount of time to force myself to be truly still. And my brain is better for it. I’m calmer, and more emotionally resilient.

Another relaxing thing I’m loving lately is watching videos of people painting with watercolors. This video is a great example. I love to watch the way the picture takes shape and to watch the motions of the artist’s hand. Combined with the calming music that usually accompanies the video, it’s very meditative for me. Plus, watching it via the YouTube app on my phone means I can’t multitask with other apps, so it forces me to focus. Win-win.

And some other, smaller things that are saving my life? A good cup of coffee, brewed and enjoyed with intention. My own made-up yoga flow that lets me do all the poses that feel good to me that day. Silly giggles with Jack. Long hugs from Robbie after work. Kitty snuggles. Strawberry shortcake on Sunday. Cheap roses on my table. Having the board behind my desk at work filled to the brim with photos of family and friends.

Small moments add up to a big life – if you let them.

What are you loving lately?

Love,

~Jess

An open letter to you courageous adventurers:

Dear friends,

I’m so excited for you! You, who are about to embark on a huge, life-changing journey.

I remember so well what it was like for me to be where you are now, about to pack up my entire life and leave everything I’d ever known. I remember such a mix of multiple complex emotions all at the same time… it wasn’t until much later, with much hindsight, that I was able to effectively process many of them. At the time I don’t think I fully grasped the enormity of what I was experiencing. Sure, I knew that it was a big deal to be moving to a new state for the first time. But I didn’t really understand how big of change it actually was, and I didn’t know how much it would also change me. Having now experienced new motherhood, I understand how the two events are similar in that regard… there’s no real way to intellectually and emotionally prepare for it, no matter how hard you to try.

There was the excitement of preparing to experience something new. And hope, about what it might bring. These were what I tried to stay focused on.

But there was also fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of not having a safety net. Fear of isolation. Fear of failure. Fear of regret.

And guilt. Honestly, there was more guilt than I cared to admit at the time. I felt guilty for abandoning my family, for being selfish enough to leave them behind. I was afraid that my choice would be seen as a rejection of them, that somehow they weren’t good enough or important enough to make me stay. I felt guilt about missing all of the birthdays and BBQs and camping trips. And when my grandmother became ill and passed away while I was living 800 miles away, I felt ashamed that I could not be there when it happened. Guilt still gnaws at me when I admit that there is a very real chance that something similar could happen to someone else in my family at any time, and I’ll still be here.

Guilt is one thing that I think I will always grapple with while I’m away from home. I still feel sad when I can’t be with my sister on her birthday. I really do lament that Jack will not have as many experiences with my family as he might if we lived there. I mean it when I tell my dad I wish I could go fishing with him. And like grief, it never goes away. But it does get easier to live with.

So, as someone who’s been there, here are a few things I want you to know as you set out.

It’s ok if it feels like it sucks for the first little while. Or the first long while. Moving far away is a BIG change. And allow me to be honest: a HARD change. The sheer logistics of moving and settling in can be extremely stressful by themselves. Then add to it all the emotional turmoil of leaving everyone and everything you know, and the emotional journey of the people you live with who are also processing this change in their own unique ways… it can be hard, no matter how prepared you think you are. And that’s ok.

You may wonder at times if you’ve just made a huge mistake. You may doubt yourself when things don’t go according to plan (which, let’s be honest, sometimes – maybe a lot of times – they won’t). You may begin to wonder if you’re strong enough to do this. Or begin to second-guess whether this place is really the best fit for you. Or begin to romanticize what home was like. At every turn, your friends and family may urge you to just move back. It could be so much easier if you’d just move back. But give yourself some time. Cut yourself some slack. You haven’t failed – you’re just adjusting and processing.

And just a few pieces of advice, if you want them:

Be kind to each other. A move this big is a huge change for each of you, and you will each process it in your own way. It will be easy to be short with one another, to become frustrated and eventually resentful. But remember that you need each other right now. Try to be patient and give each other some grace.

Orient yourself, and try to create some sort of routine – if that’s how your brain works best. Some people can thrive without routine, but I am not one of them. For me, things as simple as being unfamiliar with the grocery store and having to use Google Maps to find the post office made me feel scattered and stressed out. I took for granted the comfort of knowing where to buy a cup of coffee. But once I found where my regular places would be and had an idea of what to expect when I went there, I began to feel better.

Don’t isolate yourself. This was easily my biggest mistake. I am not a terribly social person by nature, and meeting new people is especially stressful to my introverted brain. But it’s necessary to make connections. Otherwise the isolation and loneliness will only add to your feeling of failure. I learned this the hard way when I found myself actually wanting to do something social and had no one to call. It felt absolutely awful to realize how long I had lived here and still hadn’t made any real friends of my own. I wish I had realized how worth the effort it would have been to dive in early to making connections… I think it would have spared me a fair amount of anguish to have not felt so alone.

Just like welcoming a new baby, a big move can feel simultaneously exhilarating and terrifying, filled with both joy and frustration. And it’s ok to feel all of those things. I hope you choose not to be ruled by fear or guilt. I hope you make big decisions with optimism. I hope this experience brings your family closer together. I hope you learn something about yourselves along the way. I hope you feel empowered and courageous for having chosen to do this. I hope you feel proud, because I am proud of you.

I hope you find what you’re looking for.

And if you do decide to come back, we’ll welcome you with open arms. No judgement. No “I told you so.”

Go forth! Good luck, and godspeed.

Much love,

-Jess

Currently: June

Hello, friends! Inspired once again by Tracy, we’re going to shift gears a little bit and talk about a some things we’re loving lately. What’s inspiring us? What are we thinking about? What can’t we get enough of right now? Let’s talk about it!

Inspired by…

  • Shutterbean: Well, I already mentioned Tracy’s blog, Shutterbean. Her posts are just so refreshing and her eye for photography and art are simply stunning. Honestly, she’s a lot of the inspiration for what I’m doing here with my own blog. So thanks, Tracy!

Listening to…

  • Music…

    • Acoustic Covers: Acoustic versions of favorite songs make for easy listening in the office when I just need some background noise. Acoustic Billy Jean? Yes, please.
    • Sugar Ray: The sweet, laid-back beats of Sugar Ray are my go-to summer soundtrack. My summer playlist also includes the Beastie Boys, Outkast, and Nelly Furtado. It always makes me want to grab an ice-cold lemonade, roll the windows down, turn the radio up, and go for a long, slow drive beside the ocean.
    • Redneck Jams: Having grown up in Idaho in a family of former cattle ranchers and rodeo queens, country music is in my blood. And while it’s not always something that I listen to on the regular anymore, every once in a while it just feels good to throw on some hard-driving Waylon Jennings or Johnny Cash and remember my roots. I’ve been feeling extra nostalgic this month, so I’ve been listening to my “redneck girl” playlists a lot.
    • Feel free to find and follow me on Spotify to check out all of my playlists!
  • Podcasts…

    • With an hour commute each way, I spend a lot of time listening to things in the car. Podcasts and audiobooks tend to keep me awake better than music sometimes.
    • The Daily: This is the short, daily podcast put out by the New York Times. I love that it gives me the opportunity to delve a little deeper into some of the relevant topics of the day without being too much of a time commitment (only about 20 minutes, usually). Most days I listen to it during the first part of my commute as a way to start the day off informed.
    • Invisibilia: Another podcast I subscribe to – the Sorta Awesome Show – turned me on to Invisibilia. I really love anything that analyzes the human experience, and this podcast does it beautifully. They offer some alternative yet very credible views about everything from the physiology of human emotion to our very perception of reality. It just gets my brain going in all the right ways, and really helps make the evening commute a lot easier.
    • Why Mommy Drinks: I’ve followed mommy blogs and podcasts for a long time, and I’ll be the first to admit that even the best ones can get a little too Stepford for my tastes. Why Mommy Drinks is the hilarious, foul-mouthed answer to that. Instead of talking about how Pinterest-perfect their lives with kids are, these amazing ladies talk about their weekly shit shows and find ways to laugh at them. Sometimes this is just what I need to not feel so alone in the craziness of my life. This is usually in my earbuds on the weekends.

Watching…

  • Outlander: After hearing really great things about this series I decided to finally check it out. It’s one of those shows that I actually want to pay attention to, so I’ve been taking it slow and am only like 4 episodes in, but damn, it is right up my alley! If you’re into loosely historical drama with a side of romance, you should check it out, too!
  • American Gods: As a longtime fan of Neil Gaiman, I was really looking forward to the television adaptation of his book. I have to say, though, I have mixed feelings about it. The good: the cinematography and attention to visual detail are phenomenal. The bad: I’m not impressed with the way they fundamentally changed the story. I know, I know… that’s everyone’s complaint about a book that’s been put to screen. But those of you who’ve read the book will likely agree. However, one thing I can definitely recommend is the Audible recording of the book, featuring a full cast. It’s been, by far, my favorite medium for consuming this story.
  • Genius: This is the NatGeo miniseries about Albert Einstein. It’s been fascinating to learn things about him as a person and not just the physics he’s famous for. Plus, it’s a really well-produced show.
  • Big Little Lies: I know I am probably the last person on Earth to jump on the Big Little Lies bandwagon, but HOLY HELL this was an amazing miniseries. We recently resubscribed to HBO, and I spent a good portion of one weekend this month binge-watching this. Crazy good. Kinda sad there won’t be a season two.

Reading…

  • I’ll admit, I don’t read nearly as much as I should. I could make time for it, but I just have other priorities. However…
  • At Home in the World: This is the latest book out by Tsh Oxenreider, who has been a favorite blogger and podcaster of mine for many years now. It’s a sweet, inspiring memoir about her months-long, around-the-world trip with her husband and young children. I have been slowly taking this one in, in chapters here and there, and it has been a pure delight.
  • Audible: Born to Run: Does it count as reading if I listen to someone else read it? I’m gonna vote that it does. Memoir is one of my favorite genres… I love hearing real stories told by real people. Bonus if the audiobook is read by the author, because then you really get the inflection they were going for when they wrote it! I’ve never been a huge fan of Bruce Springsteen’s music, but his memoir is fascinating. And hearing it read in his iconic, burned-out voice is just icing on the cake.

Thinking about…

  • Creative Endeavors: Now that I’ve finally found my footing after the birth of Jack, I feel a serious urge to be creative again. I need something fun and stimulating to do, as a break from all of my ever-growing responsibilities. Some things on brain lately have been…
    • Blog Goals: What do I want from this blog? The weekly In Real Life photo series has been really fun, but are there other things I feel inspired to do? I think this type of post (Currently) is one I could feasibly do every month. Plus, it’s fun to reflect on the month and what I was into. Perhaps commit to sharing one or two recipes per month? Maybe. I want to be careful not to get too ambitious and stress myself out with too many plans.
    • Recipes: I find myself wanting to cook and bake again. Things on the short list are ice cream, summer berry pie, banana bread, and more fresh things on the grill.
    • Photography Class? I’ve been tossing around the idea of taking a photography class to finally learn how to actually use my nice DSLR camera. I love the idea, but I don’t know how often I’d actually put that info to use… the DSLR is so big, and my iPhone takes good enough pictures for what I like to do most of the time. So I dunno. We’ll see.
    • Skillshare Classes? Have you heard of Skillshare? I hadn’t either until recently. It’s apparently a website you can subscribe to and take all kinds of online seminars for a huge range of topics. I have always been a studious one, and the idea of taking a class at my own pace on a topic of my own choosing wherever I want sounds super appealing. Coffee shop + laptop + notebook? Sign me up.
  • Idaho Trip! I’ve got a short trip to Idaho planned in July to go home and visit my family, and I am super excited! My brain is starting to swirl with lists of people I want to see, things I want to do, things I’ll need to pack… sometimes anticipation is half the fun.
  • Tattoo: Getting a tattoo has been on my mind for a long time, but Robbie is really encouraging me to to pursue it. I think I have a pretty good idea for what I want to get, now I just need to do the work of finding a good artist and book an appointment.

Eating & Drinking

  • Mojitos! Ok, maybe what I make is not actually a mojito so much as just limeaid with mint, white rum, and a splash of lime Perrier. But whatever. I’ve officially declared it my summer drink.
  • Thinking about going low-carb again. It’s so hard to maintain with a busy lifestyle, though! Maybe I can at least commit to the 80/20 rule?
  • I can’t stop thinking about those Totchos we had at 21st Amendment Brewery in San Francisco. Definitely not low-carb. Definitely don’t care.
  • Cold brew coffee has been in my regular rotation lately. It’s super easy to make at home, especially if you have a French press. Just put your grounds in the bottom, fill with water, and refrigerate for 24 hours or so. Voila! I’ve been mostly drinking mine with a splash of milk and one packet of Stevia… mmm.

What inspired you this month? I’d love to hear!

Baby Starks: Week 35

Hello, friends! Care to join me in a happy dance? We’re in week 35!!!

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35 weeks is a magic number in the NICU world, because babies born around this time are often perfectly fine and don’t require a NICU stay at all. So this mama is breathing a big sigh of relief to see this number on the calendar!

How big is the baby?

Baby boy is likely almost at his birth length, around 18 inches, and likely weighs over 5 pounds! And it seems very true, since I feel like he’s had a major growth spurt just in the last 2 weeks.

What’s new?

Remember how in my last post I said I only had 2 more weeks of work left? Well, the very next day, after a long day of work and being on my feet a lot that day, I wound up in labor and delivery with tons of pelvic pressure, backaches, and cramping that were all very new to me. I honestly wondered if I was in early labor. After a couple of hours of monitoring and some more labs because my blood pressure was high, they determined that I was, indeed, having contractions, but I wasn’t dilated at all and my labs were ok, so they sent me home with orders to take it easy.

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At my regular 34-week appointment the following Monday, my blood pressure was still higher than normal, so they ran more labs and did more monitoring, and found that I was still having intermittent contractions despite having a lazy weekend. My doctor decided that 12-hour work days with an hour commute weren’t a good idea anymore, so my maternity leave officially started then. Even though it would not necessarily be bad to deliver the little guy now, it wouldn’t be ideal – our goal is to keep him in until at least 37 weeks so he has the most time to fully develop. At that point, if my blood pressure continues to climb or if any part of his monitoring strip isn’t reassuring, we may induce and just have him then. It’s crazy to think I might be meeting my little boy in just 2 weeks! But between now and then I get to go into the doctor twice a week for more monitoring. Which sounds pretty lame, but I don’t really mind getting to listen to his heartbeat more often. 🙂

How am I feeling?

Well, honestly, I feel pretty miserable a lot of the time. Little Jack has definitely moved down into my pelvis in preparation for his arrival, and it’s putting all kinds of uncomfortable pressure in places like my bladder and hips. I definitely waddle around like a pregnant lady right now, especially just after standing up, as the ligaments in my hips are becoming looser and less strong. After going away for a glorious few weeks, heartburn has come back with a vengeance, too.

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My hands continue to be the most frustrating thing for me, though. The weakness and numbness are at an all-time high, and my left hand in particular now has lots of muscle spasms and cramps whenever I try to do any kind of squeezing motion with it, like turning a doorknob or trying to pick something up. We painted pumpkins this year instead of carving them, because my hands just weren’t up to the task. Pumpkin carving is usually one of my favorite things to do, so it was a little disheartening that I wasn’t able to this year. I really, really hope this goes away after Jack is born, because I have major sympathy for people who deal with carpal tunnel all the time.

The whole gestational diabetes thing is getting really frustrating, too. I’m particularly burnt out on breakfast, and actually had a full-on meltdown the other day because I just did not want to eat another damn egg. Hell, I’d be happy if I could just roll out of bed and eat anything at all without going through the effort of having to cook it. Waaaah.

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It also doesn’t help my mood that I am royally bored a lot of the time. That didn’t take long, right? I’m trying to be grateful for the opportunity to rest, but I have never been one who likes to just sit around for long. I spent my first couple of days accomplishing a few last-minute projects and doing some needed housework, but a few too many trips up the stairs one day reminded me that I do actually need to take it easy. So I’ve been spending lots of time in my new rocking chair, binging on Netflix or reading or taking too many naps. And while a nap or two a day does feel pretty luxurious, it also keeps me from sleeping well at night. I suppose it’s just preparing me for all the broken sleep I’m about to experience in the newborn phase. I just wish my hands would cooperate so I could color with all this new free time. But I did order some puzzles from AmazonPrime that should be here tomorrow, so hopefully those will keep me occupied for a while.

Boy, I feel like I’ve done nothing but complain this post. But the third trimester is no joke! I’m feeling really glad that the end is in sight.

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Feel free to send book or TV recommendations! Otherwise I’ll see you guys in another 2 weeks! Peace!